In the Midst of Change

One year to the day after I first moved to Chicago, I left the city. Some things had changed, and some hadn’t. I left with the same desire for God’s will, a purposeful future, and loving relationships. I also left with short hair, a boyfriend, and a lighter heart, as some of it remained behind.

Speaking of change, I have a confession to make: I don’t read my Bible that often. It’s something that I’ve been working on for years, but it never seems to stick. Have you ever had something that you wanted to commit to regularly, but for whatever reason it fails? Habits and hobbies can both be like this–working out, tending a garden, brushing your teeth consistently… For the past three days though (I know, call Guinness, right?) I have read a few chapters right after waking and right before sleeping. The end of one of my readings stuck out, and I thought I’d share.

“Oh, the depth of the riches and the wisdom of the knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

‘For who has known the mind of the Lord,

Or who has been his counselor?

Or who has given a gift to him

that he might be repaid?’

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”

-Romans 11:33-36

In only a few verses, God soothed a heart that–even though it’s lived a blessed life–has endured its own share of uncertainty. I sit in my new room after a move from Illinois to Indiana, everything unpacked but my suitcase still open in the middle of the room, and I’m not anything but excited. Who knows what adventures God has in store for me while I’m here? Will it be painful? Will it be a time of growth? Will I love it? Will I only make a few friends? Will I be nostalgic for what I had? Will I put down new roots?

“Who has known the mind of the Lord?”

In other words, who knows?! I don’t have to worry about what happens to me or what I go through. The only concern I have is in living up to the challenges and victories with a Christlike attitude and response. If glory is brought to the King, does much else matter in a world where that is what we were made for? 

There were no tears, but the move wasn’t easy. The freshmen came to campus on Wednesday for New Student Orientation. My office window gave me the perfect view for watching them wheel bags, boxes, totes, and fridges into the dorms. My throat tightened as I thought of how that had been me the year before. So exhilarated at the prospect of life in a new city, a completely new crowd, and more freedom than I could wrap my mind around. A Moody professor described the returning of freshmen well on her blog. On my walk home from work, I had to step around a mom and several freshmen girls excitedly taking pictures in front of the Arch, an entrance to Moody on LaSalle Street. I walked a bit faster, but tried to sort out my emotions.

Was I angry? What about? I had been given an incredible year at Moody, and now–exactly how I love life to go–a different adventure was laid out and awaiting me.

Was I bitter? What for? I had voluntarily chosen to leave Moody, believing that it’s God’s will for me to pursue ministry through a different field of study.

Was I jealous? What of? I had been given the freshmen experience, and I enjoyed it and geeked out just as much as those girls at the Arch.

There’s a time for everything and now, it seems, is the time for change. I’m walking on a path laid out by a God who cares about when I slip, scrape myself up, and stay down for awhile. It’s the same God who shows me where to turn, how to run, or when to slow down. Sometimes he even has you close your eyes and, with faith just about the size of a mustard seed, keep walking. So keep walking, friends. Whether this fall of 2015 brings you change or the same, you walk with a God who is constant.

Before You Go

I snapped the picture for today’s post on the drive from Chicago to Indiana. Hoosier beauty can still make you catch your breath, even after 20 years.

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