When You Tell My Fiancé “Good Luck”

Kent and I have been really blessed by the outpouring of love, good wishes, prayers, and support from so many of our friends and family. Sometimes it’s support from people we don’t even know.

“Do you know who this person is that just commented congratulations?”

“No…but they’re happy for us!”

But sometimes in all of the “This is nuts!” “I’m so happy for you two!” and “You said you were never getting married!”, a phrase I don’t really appreciate slips in.

With a twinkle in their eye, sometimes a nudge to Kent’s shoulder, and a smile at me, they say,

"Good luck with that one!"

To be honest, it’s happened enough that I don’t even remember who has said it (so don’t feel bad if it’s you!). I’m sure everyone who says that phrase means well, but it’s not really very encouraging. Here’s what I hear:

You’re going to have your hands full.

You don’t know what you’re in for.

Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

Maybe you should reconsider.

You’re not a lucky guy.

Thanks for taking one for the team.

She’s crazy. 

It hurt more than I thought it would, and on more than one occasion I’ve turned to Kent with tears in my eyes, as if to say Maybe they’re right. Do you still want me? 

But then I got angry. (Oh boy, here we go).

No, he doesn’t know what he’s in for, because I am the best gift giver, cheese toastie maker, and white girl rapper this side of the Mississippi. (And I’m really bad at geography, so I don’t even know what side that is).

No, he doesn’t know what he’s doing and neither do I, because we’re young and in love and abandoned to the will of God. And I’m learning that if you’re truly following God, a lot of times you won’t know what you’re doing.

No, he won’t reconsider, because there are times he takes my ring hand, kisses it, looks in my eyes and says, “Divorce is not ever an option.”

Yes, he’s a freaking lucky guy. I’m Irish.

And as Darryl from The Office so succinctly put it,

Darryl-The-Office-I-would-Date-the-Hell-out-of-Me

I may be crazy, but I’d like to think it’s the good kind of crazy. You know, the one that wants to see the best in people and thinks they can change the world. When I was in elementary school, I decided to take down the cigarette industry starting from the top by penning a pleading letter to Philip Morris. (I don’t think it worked).

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s that kind of ignorance, naiveté + a good heart + a stubborn determination that will make things happen. Eventually. After a lot of work. With the right people. But society looks at “innocent world changers” and thinks, Oh for Pete’s sake. That will never work. Don’t they know that?”

You know what, they might. They may just refuse to let it stop them. Maybe that’s the craziness people are referring to when they say “good luck.”

Or maybe they say it because I’m a feminist  and won’t live my life by anything less than equality?

Maybe it’s because Kent was the only guy I ever dated, and they knew of my “boys are the worst” phase growing up. Do they expect him to “tame” me?

Maybe it’s because they simply can’t think of anything else to say. If that’s the case, I would prefer they either remain silent or break out into song. People shouldn’t say something that if I smiled and asked, “What exactly do you mean by that?” they might be embarrassed to answer.

I’ve been told I’m fun to tease. All in good fun and everything, and I’m more than willing to take one for the humor team and be the laughingstock, but not when it comes to my marriage.

So to all you “Good luck” well-wishers out there, thank you. Whether you meant it as a kindness or not (and I’m sure you did), I am going to take that sentence as a compliment. Now, I’m going to hear:

She’s going to do big things. 

Life is going to be so fun with her!

You are a lucky guy. 

and, still,

She’s crazy. 

 

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