When You’re Maid of Honor-ing in 34 Days

 

{From Bailey, Precariosities’ Director of Content}


I’ve never been in a wedding—I’ve actually only attended like three. And only two in recent memory. So I’m taking the wedding world by storm and floundering my way through being Kelly’s MoH.

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(Praise the Heavenly Father that she is so organized and knows how to keep me in line. Sorry you’re basically your own MoH though, K. I love you.)

Anyway, since I am not experienced in the wedding world, all of my duties have a tendency to take me by surprise. Also Kelly sometimes says something in her posts (which you can read here and here) that makes me think, “Oh… Well shoot I hadn’t thought of that.”

So that’s how my life is going. If you’re wondering what goes on in the head of a slightly-anxiety-ridden, very-much-Type-A, and massively-untrained Maid of Honor, look no further. I am your girl.

Over the past month, I have been plagued by these things:

I wonder if Kelly will give me all the stuff that won’t fit into her house with Kent…? Is that an MoH privilege?

Shoot. Is it April?

It’s April.

Did I tell the bridesmaids __________? At what point are they supposed to be informed?

When is Kelly’s bridal shower because I am in charge of that thing. Oh never mind, Natalie has it handled.

Have I actually done anything besides try on my dress?

How long am I allowed to call Kent “Kenteth” before it’s no longer funny? Because it’s still funny.

Planning a bachelorette party is hard when you’re under 21 and attending a school that has a lifestyle covenant.

At what point do I start practicing walking in heels? Can I wing it?

Does Kelly actually want to invite Carly Fiorina to the wedding? Because I am all about snubbing Hillary tbh.

If I trip walking down the aisle, am I allowed to just leave?

Are we going to practice the whole “straightening the train” thing on Kelly’s dress because I know myself and I know I am going to rip it if we don’t practice.

Is it wise for the MoH to plant even more ideas about a footie pajama reception?

Am I allowed to sit with Kelly at the wedding party table and rate people as they dance?

Okay but what exactly is my job?

Hahaha it was funny thinking about how I might have to hold Kelly’s dress while she pees but like what if I actually have to do it?

Why did Kelly ask a 16-year-old to be her Maid of—oh wait. I’m 20. El oh el.

Are you still allowed to have sleepovers with your bestie even after she’s married?

If I go visit Kelly in her new house, can I make Kent get a hotel? No?

Would people judge me if they found out I made a secret Pinterest board just for all my Maid of Honor ideas?

Would they judge me even more if they found out I have accomplished exactly 0 of the ideas I’ve pinned?

Wait a minute. I remembered what my job is. I have to give a speech.

Is Pinterest an acceptable tool for speechwriting tips?

Can I give my speech before I eat just so I don’t throw up?

How do receptions work exactly? Like is it food, speech, dance? Speech, food dance? Dance, dance, dance? I don’t know. I don’t like any of those things except food.

Is this the beginning of my stint as Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses?

If so, I need a bigger closet.

I wish I were as on top of things as Katherine Heigl.

I also wish James Marsden would buy me a palm pilot.

I also just wish for James Marsden.

Wait. What’s my job again?

Right. Speech.

Okay, so is this MoH thing like mandatory?

(Kidding on that last one.)

Most days my brain is just numb because I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that my Kelly-Belle is getting a new last name within the next month. How do you reconcile the best friend whose makeup you did when you were 11 with the young woman whose veil you’re going to be straightening before she walks down the aisle?

I don’t actually know. I’m still figuring out the answers to all these questions and more. Hopefully I’ll figure some of my, um, stuff out before May 21st. Stay tuned for our adventures in May because life’s about to get real crazy.

 

Before you go:

Have you been a Maid of Honor before? Or even a bridesmaid?

Help a sister out in the comments.

 

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